Only Dog owners can really appreciate a letter like this......but make sure
you read all the way to the end.
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not
switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not
a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed.
I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the
couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can
actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
There is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine
attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the
other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough! It would be such a simple
change for you.
Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to
complain about our pets;
- The dog lives here. You don't!
- If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture!
- I like my dog a lot better than I like most
- To you, he/she's a dog. To me, he/she's an
adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't
- Dogs are better than kids! They eat less, don't
ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called,
never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke
or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your
clothes and don't need a gazillion dollars for college!
PS-The same applies for cats, except they ignore
you until you are asleep!
Copyright © 2003 [Camnusch]. All rights reserved.